


She's Still In There

by bellarkegriffin_blake



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Becho Breakup, Clarke returns, F/M, josephine death, post 6x06, spec fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 18:28:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19256743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellarkegriffin_blake/pseuds/bellarkegriffin_blake
Summary: Bellamy has lost people. His mom, nearly all the original delinquents, Gina, Octavia for all that he knows. Now he has lost Clarke. Twice. He thought it hurt the first time around, but this is much worse. When she died in Praimfaya, his heart shrank to half its size. It was like she took it with her to wherever she went after death. Him and the gang are still grieving but ready to make plans for their own compound. After their meeting with the Lightbournes, Bellamy finds out Clarke is alive and hatches a plan to get her back.





	She's Still In There

**Author's Note:**

> If you have ever watched the show Haven, this may sound a little familiar. It reminded me so much of what is happening to Clarke, I had to write it down. Anyways, I hope Clarke comes back next episode because it is really killing me with her gone. Hope you enjoy!

Bellamy has lost people. His mom, nearly all the original delinquents, Gina, Octavia for all that he knows. Now he has lost Clarke. Twice. He thought it hurt the first time around, but this is much worse. When she died in Praimfaya, his heart shrank to half its size. It was like she took it with her to wherever she went after death. When he saw her alive again, his heart returned to full size. They were together and that kept _him_ together. Now, with Josephine using her body, his heart isn’t shrinking, it’s getting squeezed. It feels like strings are wrapped around it and get tighter every time he looks at her. Her body is still here, but everything about her is gone. And he can’t take it. 

He is standing in the middle of the pub, silently grieving for Clarke, but making sure not to fall apart in front of everyone. Once he is alone, he plans on letting everything out until there is nothing left inside. He wants that time to be now, but he feels the presence of somebody coming down the stairs. He has felt that presence before, whenever Clarke walked in a room. It was as if his mind and body was wired to know when she was around him without physically seeing her. But with Clarke gone, the only other person that could have that effect is someone much younger, like Clarke’s presence left her in death and went straight to her daughter. 

He kneels down in front of her and says, “Madi, I have something to tell you.” His voice cracks because, damn it, he doesn’t want to say this. Telling Madi makes it real, but he has to face reality now. “Clarke is gone. She was killed by Russell and his wife to bring their daughter back.” 

Without saying anything, Madi’s arms wrap around his neck. Bellamy puts his hands on her back and pulls her close. “I knew that couldn’t have been Clarke walking around lately,” she whispers through her tears into Bellamy’s ear. When she pulls away from him, he sees her wet eyes and the strings pull tighter. He can’t breathe. After Madi runs back up to her room, he goes out the doors towards the water. He thought Echo or someone would try and follow him, but he is glad they aren’t. 

This is the time. His tears come freely, without and end in sight. Being alone out in the open, he is finding it easier to breathe, but it will never be the same without her. Bellamy doesn’t try and wipe the salt water on his cheeks because he knowns more will replace them right away. 

“I’m so sorry, Clarke,” he whispers out loud. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I’m sorry that you died alone and afraid. I’m sorry I never told you how much you meant to me after you did that for me.” He stops and chokes on the sob he has been holding in. After a moment, he concludes with, “And I’m sorry that I can’t kill them all, but that’s what you would want. I want to. So bad. But I am thinking with my head, not my heart, just like you said all those years ago. We are going to survive, and once again, it’s all because of you.” 

He sits there by the water and cries until no more tears come. Tomorrow, he has to find Russell and negotiate a place for everyone from the ship to live. He hates seeing his face, but this has to be done. What’s worse than seeing his face is seeing _hers_. He knows she will be there, taunting him. Bellamy finally decides to go back inside and try to sleep. When he gets in bed, Echo is next to him fast asleep. He lays there and waits for the pain of the strings squeezing his heart to deliver him into unconsciousness. 

**********

Bellamy wakes up the next morning feeling hollow. There is nothing in him that makes him want to get out of bed. The sun is rising, so it’s almost time to get up, but he feels paralyzed. Even though he has been awake for a while, he is just noticing the empty space next to him. 

“Echo?” he asks out loud. “Where’d you go?” 

As if she was waiting outside their door for him to wake up, she walks in and says, “I went out and scouted escape routes from the meeting place in case things go south today. 

“Smart, but the goal is to not need them.” 

“It’s best to be prepared for anything. Get dressed. We have to be there in twenty minutes,” Echo says. 

Bellamy sits up, swings his legs over the bed, and rubs the sleep from his eyes. He hears her leave the room but doesn’t look in that direction. If he looks over there, he will see the door. When he sees the door, he thinks of Clarke and Josephine and how he is about to see them again. He finally bites the bullet and gets up to change. 

Fifteen minutes later, Bellamy, Echo, and Murphy are standing in front of a guarded, red door. They stand there, silent for a moment, before Murphy speaks up. “Just remember, this is to keep us all alive. That means no yelling, choking, or stabbing.” 

“Shut up, Murphy,” Bellamy says. He hasn’t forgiven him completely for siding with Josephine, but he is also aware that did ensure his life and the rest of theirs. He doesn’t want to acknowledge that part yet. It’s easier to be upset with him. 

“Let’s do this,” Echo says and knocks. 

After a second, the door swings open and the face Bellamy has been wanting to avoid smiles at him. 

“How’s it going this morning?” Josephine asks them all but stares directly at him. 

He pushes past her and walks up to the table with Russell and Simone. When they are all in, Josephine walks over behind her parents. 

“We are here to negotiate a peace treaty, and then we will leave. That’s it, so let’s get it over with,” Bellamy says harshly. 

“In light of recent events,” Russell starts with a not-so-subtle glance at his daughter, “we agreed to give you everything you need to start your own compound.” 

He is about to continue when Josephine starts swaying back and forth. She lays a hand on her father’s shoulder and says, “I’m feeling light headed. I’m going to go lay down.” 

Russell looks concerned but goes on. After an hour of deciding where they will be located, how they will get necessary resources, and generally how to survive, the three of them walk out of the room. Echo and Murphy head towards the pub again, but Bellamy looks around and finds Russell and Simone quickly walking towards their house. He follows them. He doesn’t know what he is looking for, but when Josephine got ill, Russell looked like something bad happened. He looked like he was seeing a puzzle for the first time and couldn’t figure it out. 

Bellamy makes sure to stay a good fifty feet behind them until they got home. When they walk inside, he crouches down and stalks around the perimeter. He looks in the nearest window to see if they are on the first floor. They are. Josephine is lying on the couch with a towel on her forehead, and her parents are standing nearby asking questions. He wants to hear what they are saying, so he looks around outside for an open window. He finds one on the other side of the house and gets over there as quickly as he can without making much noise. 

When he gets situated, he hears Russell ask, “How long has this been happening?” 

“Not very long. Minor headaches started yesterday,” Josephine responds. 

“You know better than all of us that minor headaches shouldn’t be happening. Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“Because of this. I can handle myself, and I think we all know that,” she huffs. 

“Yes, we know you can. But it could also be because of the drive in your head.” 

“This bitch may be fighting back for now, but she won’t last long. Everyone thinks she is dead, anyway, so we shouldn’t give them any idea she is alive. Clarke Griffin will be very dead in a day or two and there is nothing that will change that.” 

“If she wins and regains consciousness, you know what will happen.” 

“Yes, I know. I will be wiped for good. No more resurrections for me.” 

Russell starts saying something else, but Bellamy doesn’t hear it. All he hears is the blood pounding in his ears. His hands are sweating, and his legs are cramping from hiding under this window in an awkward position. But none of that matters because Clarke is alive. 

Clarke. 

Is. 

_Alive._

With as much grace as he got under the window, he gets up and runs towards the pub where he knows everyone is at. He stops himself from barreling through the door because he doesn’t want to draw any more unnecessary attention to himself. He walks in the door and interrupts a heated conversation. One that appears to be about him. 

Echo and Murphy walk up to him and yell in unison, “Where the hell have you been?” 

“Clarke is alive,” Bellamy mumbles. He still can’t believe it. Based on the faces of everyone in the room, which includes Madi, Gaia, and Emori with Echo and Murphy, nobody believes him. 

“Bellamy, you have to stop doing this. She is gone this time. You saw it for yourself,” Echo says softly. “You have to let her go.” 

“I did let her go! Twice! But now she is back. Well, she will be after we help her.” 

“No, Bellamy. We get what we need and then we are out of here,” Muphy grumbles. 

“I am getting her back whether you all like it or not.” When Bellamy is finished, he watches Echo leave the room and head upstairs to their room. He knows he messed up somehow, so he follows her to figure out why. 

He finds her packing up whatever belongings she has into a box and goes to leave the room. She stops when she sees Bellamy blocking the doorway. 

“What are you doing?” he asks her. 

“There are plenty of rooms in this place. I am going to find another one.” She doesn’t sound particularly harsh to Bellamy, but there is still something wrong. “I’m sorry Bellamy, but you are on your own.” 

He has a feeling she means more his plan to get Clarke back. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean from now on, it’s you and it’s me. But it’s not us.” Echo sighs and drops her shoulders. “I am done competing with a woman who has died twice and who you want to believe is still alive.” 

“I love you, Echo. If you and Clarke were reversed, I would be doing the exact same thing.” 

She gives a weak laugh. “Do you understand what you just said? I believe you love me, Bellamy. But you just told me that the love you have for Clarke is equal to the love you have for me, and I don’t think I want to compete anymore.” 

“She is my best friend. We have been through so much together. If there is a chance to get her back, I am going to take it.” 

“I know you will. I admire it so much, but I wish your loyalty and love to her didn’t overpower mine for you.” 

“Echo...” He doesn’t know what to say anymore. He knows he has had feelings for Clarke for a long time, but when she died the first time, he thought he got over her. Grieved. Moved on. But then she came back and all his feelings resurfaced. 

“Listen, Bellamy. I am not mad, but I know when to get out of a situation that is emotionally harmful to me.” 

“I never meant to hurt you,” he stuttered. 

“I know. Go save her. I will help you when you need me.” 

Bellamy walks up close and gives her one last kiss. He truly loved her, but Clarke Griffin has a way of making sure that his whole life revolves around her. Day and night, he thinks about her. Dead or alive, he thinks about her. There isn’t much that can get him to stop thinking about her. 

Bellamy and Echo go back downstairs to join the others again. From there, Bellamy explains everything he heard from under the window and his plan to get her back. Nobody says anything when he is done, and they all look at him like he is crazy, but he knows they will help him. It’s time to get Clarke back. 

**********

The next day, Bellamy starts his plan. He walks out in the town and finds Russell talking to Simone and greeting people. Apparently, they do that every morning. 

“I want to go look at the place we chose for our compound, but we don’t know the terrain very well. Is there anyone that won’t kill us in the woods we could take with us to show us the way?” Bellamy is aware he shouldn’t talk to Russell like this, but the plan could be more transparent if he was polite to him. 

“Of course. We can send a guard with you to--” 

Josephine comes up behind Bellamy and says, “I will take them.” 

There goes the pain in his chest; the strings pulling tighter. Even though he knows Clarke is alive in her own head, seeing her body currently occupied continues to hurt. But not for long. 

Russell looks like he knows it’s a bad idea and says, “I think the guards would be a better choice.” 

“Oh, come one, Dad. They won’t hurt me because of this precious body, and you know I won’t hurt them because of the crazy truce you created with them. It’s a win-win.” 

“Fine. You can take them but make it quick.” 

Bellamy grunts and turns away to head to the pub. When he is sure that Josephine or Russell can’t see his face, he allows his muscles to make a little smirk. 

Thirty minutes later, Bellamy, Emori, Murphy, Echo, and Josephine are standing at the edge of Sanctum about to go into the forest. Bellamy turns to her and says, “Nothing funny. Get us there, show us around, then bring us back.” 

“Aye, aye, captain!” she jokes with a mock salute. He rolls his eyes and follows her into the trees. 

They have been walking for 45 minutes already when Josephine, standing in the front of the group, stops. She stands there and sways again, like she did yesterday. This time around, though, she loses her balance and falls to the ground. Bellamy is the first one to her, and he takes her face in her hand. Josephine looks like she is in pain for a moment, but then a different look flashes across her face. Her brows crease and then her eyes go wide. 

“Bellamy?” 

He is about to exclaim that it’s Clarke, but as soon as she came, she went. 

“Why are you so close to my face?” Josephine asks. She gets her bearings back and stands up. “Let’s go.” 

Bellamy looks to the rest of his group and gives them a frustrated look. _Soon_ his face tells them.  
Another hour later, Josephine shows them where their compound will be. “There is already a building here, as you can see, so do with that what you will. You appear to have very smart people aboard, so I’m sure you will think of something.” She continues to show them around, and Bellamy never leaves her side. It pains him to be that close to her with Clarke still in the dark, but he has to get her back. This is how he does that. 

Josephine is still talking about something on the land when Bellamy goes up behind her and grabs her. Echo gets the rope from her backpack and Murphy helps him get her over to a large tree. They hold her down, but she suddenly goes slack in their arms. Bellamy is worried that they hurt her when he sees the trail of blood leaving her nose. Echo and Emori take the advantage of her stillness and secure the rope around her body and the tree. Then they wait. 

After what seems like a lifetime, which is her longest time spent unconscious, Josephine wakes up. “Damn, my head is throbbing!” 

Time to put the last phase of the plan into action. “Hey, Clarke! How are you feeling?” Murphy asks. 

“Clarke? You know she is dead, right?” 

“It’s been a while, but I hope you know how grateful I am for what you have always done for us,” Murphy continues. “Remember that time you risked your life for everyone else to live? You are probably wondering which time. Clarke, you are so important to us, so you have to come back. Besides, cockroaches need friends, too.” 

“Remember when you first became a nightblood?” This comes from Emori. “You did that to save me. I never told you how thankful for that I was. You probably saved John’s life, too, knowing how reckless he is. He probably would have done something very stupid if I died.” 

Josephine’s face starts to twitch, and it looks like she is struggling for control her own face. “This is not going to work. I hope you know that.” She doesn’t say it to anyone specific, just out in the open. 

Echo steps closer to her and says, “We have never really gotten along. We were enemies until the very last moments on Earth before Praimfaya. Then you died for us, and I couldn’t believe you did that. Six years later, you were alive, and you did the wrong thing, but you did it to protect the one you loved most. I was pissed for what you did to Bellamy, but that is in the past. I need you to know that no matter what happens from now on, I will always be thankful for your sacrifices back then. They are what got us here today.” 

Josephine lets out a primal scream. “There is... no way you are... going to succeed.” She is having a hard time breathing. That worries Bellamy again, but he knows he has to keep going. 

“Remember when we got stuck out in the acid fog? Atom got caught in it and he was going to die. I was trying to do it myself, give a mercy kill, but I couldn’t do it. That’s when you came and took the knife. You saved him from his agony when I couldn’t. That’s when I knew I couldn’t do this without you.” Bellamy starts to get tears in his eyes. “After Dax tried to kill me, you reminded me that I was worth living. That I had your forgiveness. You have no idea how much that meant to me.” 

“Stop. Talking.” Josephine can barely get the words out. Her breath is weak. “This is killing her just as it is me so take your chances.” 

Bellamy understands that she could be telling the truth. But his truth? It would be better if Clarke was all dead than what she is going through now. It hurts to even think that way, but he would much rather grieve her entire mind and body instead of knowing everything that makes her _her_ is gone with a psychopath controlling her body. He is aware that the rest of the group left them alone. He goes and sits next to her like they did after finding the guns. Her head falls onto his shoulder. She is losing control.  
“Clarke, I need you to come back to me. You can take control. You are the smartest, bravest, most loving person I know. Everything that bitch isn’t. You are the light, she is the dark. And you know what? Light always overcomes darkness.” 

For once she is silent, and he doesn’t feel her breath on his shoulder anymore. As one last check, he takes her wrist in his hand and feels for a pulse. 

Nothing. 

He finally lets his tears fall. He takes her hand in his and puts the other arm around her shoulder and hugs her close. Between sobs he manages to stutter out, “I loved you, Clarke. I loved you so much,” and kisses her temple. 

Echo, Emori, and Murphy return with sad looks on their faces. “So did it work?” Murphy asks. 

“She’s gone, both of them, for real this time.” Bellamy chokes on tears. 

Murphy brings Bellamy to his feet and gives him a strong embrace. “I’m so sorry, Bellamy. I know how you felt about her.” 

He acknowledges the statement but doesn’t respond. When the ropes around Clarke are gone, Bellamy goes and picks her up. He cradles her close and carefully, as if she is still alive and he doesn’t want to hurt her. He has no facial expression anymore. The strings on his heart pulled so tight he feels it explode and is left with an empty chest. 

Two hours later, they stand in front of Russell and Simone’s house. Echo knocks on the door and after a few seconds, it opens. Russell holds his arms out like he wants to take her, but Bellamy refuses. Instead, he walks inside the house and lays her on the couch. 

“What happened?” Simone asks with wet cheeks. 

“We tried getting her back. I heard you all talking after our meeting yesterday, so I had to try. When she told me that what I was doing was killing Clarke as much as it was her, I continued anyways because her being all dead was better than half dead,” Bellamy explains. 

This was the first the other three had heard of this and they all looked at him with sad eyes. They all know how he is going to ultimately blame himself for her real death. How many times are they going to call Clarke Griffin really dead? 

“She lied.” 

Bellamy stops breathing. 

“What do you mean she lied?” someone asks. He doesn’t know who. 

“I mean, Clarke is actually back in control. The drive is preventing her from being conscious because of neural networks. Josephine’s drive is empty now, and an empty drive creates a blockage for interneural communication.” 

“Then why couldn’t I feel a pulse?” 

“Well, the drive would have lowered that into survival mode. I also think it may have to do with your condition when you checked it. I have a hard time believing you had the right mindset to clearly feel for it.” 

Bellamy knows he is right but doesn‘t confirm it. Instead he ignores him. 

A laugh rings out in the room and it comes from Murphy. “I can’t believe it. The cockroach lives yet again.” 

“Why aren’t you more upset? We essentially just killed your daughter,” Bellamy directs towards Russell. 

“The truth is, Josephine has gotten out of control. There is no way we would have ever hurt her or erased her ourselves. We loved her. But she was only going downhill from here. All her resurrections seemed to have taken the humanity away from her.” 

“So, what are you waiting for? Take it out,” Bellamy almost yells. He is trying to stay calm in case this doesn’t work. “Please.” 

“We have a part of the house that we can perform the procedure. But wait out here, this may not be pleasant.” 

They don’t like the sound of that, but it’s their last shot. It‘s Clarke’s last shot. Russell takes her into the procedure room and the rest wait. Ten, fifteen, twenty minutes later, a bloodcurdling scream erupts from the room. Bellamy jumps to his feet and rushes to the door, but Murphy stops him. 

“Bellamy, stop! You know you have to wait. If you heard the scream, which we all did, that means she is alive.” 

“He is hurting her! How do we know he was telling the truth? What if Josephine comes out that door again because we just let him fix her?” 

“Then that’s the chance we took, but we can’t do anything about it now so sit down and wait.” 

He does what he is told and sits back down on the couch. A few minutes after he does that, Russell walks out the door. “She is ready to see you all.” 

Bellamy has been so worried about getting her back that he has no idea what he is going to say now that she is. He ends up following everybody into the small room and stands in the back. 

“Well, hello there, fellow cockroach. I can genuinely say it’s nice to see you again,” Murphy blurted. That got everyone laughing. 

“I need you to know that I heard every one of you talking to me,” Clarke croaked. She took a drink of water and continued, “I was fighting so hard to come back to you all, and you made it easier. When you were reminding of all those memories, it’s as if the mud I was swimming in to get the surface turned to water and I could move again. I couldn’t have done it without any of you.” She seems to be talking to everyone, and she means what she says, but there is one person she can't take her eyes off of. 

They seem to get the hint, so Echo, Emori, and Murphy leave the room to Bellamy and Clarke. He stays against the wall for a moment after they are gone and stares at her. He got her back. 

“Say something,” she whispers. 

“You heard everything from the woods?” 

“Yes.” 

Bellamy has held everything in since they got back. Now he lets everything out. He walks over to Clarke, takes her hand, and cries into it. Clarke lets him for a while before speaking up. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here now.” 

“But you died! All alone and I didn’t even know until a couple days after. How are you not upset by that?” 

“I’m not upset because there was no way you could have known.” Clarke brushes his cheek with her hand, wet from his tears. “If there was any chance you knew about it before it happened, I know you would have stopped it.” 

“Clarke...” 

“I love you, too, Bellamy. I have for a long time.” 

Speechless, Bellamy can only think of one way to show her how much he missed her and how he is never letting her get away from him again. He leans down and kisses her firmly on the lips. She wraps her hands into his hair and pulls him closer. He gently places his hand on her cheek, afraid she might break or that this isn’t real. While they kiss, he feels the pain in his chest subside. He can breathe and feel again. Those damned strings are gone leaving a perfectly whole heart again. And it’s because Clarke is back. 

“When you are strong enough, we should get you back to the pub. Madi, and the others I’m guessing, would like to see you.” 

“I’m strong enough now. I want to see my daughter.” 

“Good. I would like to get the hell out of this place,” he chuckles. “Let’s go.” 

Immediately entering the pub, Clarke and the gang are met with silence. 

“What, no hugs?” she jokes. 

“Clarke!!” Madi runs up to her and wraps her arms around Clarke’s middle. “I can’t believe you are back! Bellamy said you died!” 

“He was right, for a while. They all got me back, though. And now Josephine is dead. For real this time.” 

“How do we know that for sure?” 

“Because I erased her myself. I am the Commander of Death, aren’t I?” 

The rest of the day is filled with stories, memories, and forgiveness. Clarke finally starts to feel like part of the family again, even if the two most important people in her family forgave her long ago. For the first time in a long time, Clarke goes to sleep almost instantly and with no worries.


End file.
